No one wants to hear negative feedback. When it comes, it’s tempting to ignore it, resist it, or even double down on the behaviors that drew it—especially when it comes to emotional intelligence (EQ). But if you want to learn how to criticism into growth, you might want to take a page from this leader’s playbook.
In a coaching session a few years back, I shared some critical EQ feedback with Daniel Simms, Chief Operating Officer at Acuity International. At the time, Simms was the VP of Critical Mission Support at Valiant Integrated Services. The data I gave him was uncomfortably direct and tough, but Daniel took it to heart and did not rationalize or justify it.
Instead, he carefully analyzed it and diligently worked to develop improved behaviors in relating to his associates. Consequently, in just a few months, he made one of the fastest turnarounds in leadership effectiveness that I have ever seen!
I was amazed at his improvement.
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How to Turn Negative Feedback into Leadership Effectiveness
Few leaders are willing to fully embrace the discomfort of negative feedback and turn it into leadership effectiveness as quickly as Simms did. I asked him how he was able to make such a dramatic and lasting change. He offered some excellent advice for emerging leaders who want to improve their effectiveness.
1. Seek Feedback
Daniel may not have expected the critical feedback he received, but he understood that the first step toward improving leadership effectiveness was to ask for honest feedback.
Of course, the very process of seeking and receiving feedback requires a level of vulnerability that can be difficult for leaders. But as Daniel points out, receiving critical feedback with an “open heart and mind” is necessary to learn how to be a better leader.
Daniel realized that the best leaders are vulnerable—that is, they allow themselves to be challenged in ways that promote their improvement and growth.
2. Manage Your Emotions
Throughout his coaching, Daniel learned that emotional regulation is an important facet of leadership effectiveness. “It’s all about the way you respond,” he says. “You need to be in tune with the way others act around you. I did not do that. Now I do.”
Daniel also learned to manage his own stress more effectively to better regulate his emotions with his co-workers. He practiced managing his own inner chatter as well. “The worst that you can imagine rarely happens,” he says. Other emotional regulation tactics include taking more pauses and evaluating what is within his control and what isn’t.
In a rapidly changing and often uncertain business environment, emotional regulation can be tough. But for leaders, the ability to understand and direct their emotions effectively can give everyone around them a sense of calm and stability, even when the world feels chaotic.
3. Be Humble
The truth is that all leaders need some ego in order to be effective. However, many leaders start to attain success and forget to practice humility as well. And let’s be candid—it’s tough to balance ego and humility!
Author and professor Adam Grant suggests that the key is what he calls “confident humility.” As he puts it, “confidence without humility breeds blind arrogance, and humility without confidence yields debilitating doubt.”
During my coaching engagement with Daniel, he realized that humility is not a sign of weakness and worked to develop a greater self-awareness.
“If I have a problem with other people, I’ve learned that I might be the problem,” he says. “And if everyone else seems to have a problem, you may actually be the one with the problem.”
4. Embrace Discomfort
Through the process of receiving critical feedback, Daniel learned not to fear the challenging things he heard. “Don’t fear negative feedback,” he said. “That is the only way you can grow.”
Daniel understood that discomfort is necessary for growth. Athletes endure many sore muscles on their way to world records. Students learning a new language make many embarrassing mistakes on the way to fluency. By embracing the discomfort that came from hearing critical feedback and practicing new behaviors, Daniel was able to quickly grow into a more effective leader.
5. Be Open to Coaching
It can be easy for leaders to reject critical feedback. Some might listen and promise change, but find themselves sliding back into old habits. Others might reject or ignore coaching altogether.
Not Daniel. As someone who wanted to be as successful as possible in his work, he knew he had to change how he treated others. He worked hard to apply the lessons I offered through our coaching sessions. He wanted to show up better for his team, colleagues, customers, and superiors. “Remember, it’s all about your people,” he says.
Like many leaders, Simms understands the value of passing on his own experience and advice to emerging leaders who might one day find themselves in a similar position. He knows that everyone will experience negative feedback someday; it’s how leaders deal with that feedback that makes the difference between those who struggle and those who achieve long-term success.
Daniel Simms offered a masterclass in how to improve leadership effectiveness after critical EQ feedback. Leaders who embrace his advice can find themselves quickly delivering better business results and people results.
Self-check:
- What is one way you can improve your emotional regulation with your team?
- If you asked your team what it’s like to work for you, what do you think they would say?
- Do you embrace discomfort? What is one way you could become more comfortable with discomfort that leads to growth?
