Summary
Receiving critical feedback can trigger defensiveness, but it’s one of the most powerful tools for leadership growth. Drawing from CEO Mike Pilon’s experience with a Stewart Leadership 360° Assessment, this article outlines eight practical ways to manage negative feedback—staying open, grounded, and growth-focused—to strengthen both personal effectiveness and team results.
It’s inevitable—everyone, at some point, will receive some critical feedback on the job. It’s never fun, and listening to this kind of criticism can definitely trigger a fight, flight, or freeze response.
But while it may not be enjoyable, receiving negative feedback can actually be a great opportunity for growth—IF you manage your emotions and embrace the challenge!
Mike Pilon, CEO of AVANTech, had the opportunity to learn of ways he could improve as a leader from a Stewart Leadership Lead Now! 360° Assessment that I coached him through. In the report, his associates anonymously shared with him their perception of his strengths and the areas he needed to improve.
Over my career I have observed that, for most of us in this situation, receiving tough and direct constructive feedback can be very challenging and uncomfortable to manage. As I watched Mike deal with his negatives, I was greatly impressed with his high degree of maturity and professionalism and his ability to avoid the natural tendency to rationalize or become defensive, upset, or angry. I chose to interview him for this article so our readers can learn from his philosophy on handling tough feedback.
Table of Contents
Mike Pilon’s 8 Tips to Manage Tough Feedback
Mike serves as an excellent role model for any leader who receives difficult and unpleasant performance feedback. Here are his eight tips for managing negative feedback.
1. Don’t fight it.
Pilon believes that there is little value gained by fighting negative feedback. As tough as it is to listen to, fighting or arguing with it isn’t going to change the content or the perspective of the one giving it. The feedback you receive is relevant because it is the opinion of the person giving it, even if a leader can justify decisions or provide strong counterarguments.
In this situation, a good outcome starts with hearing and absorbing the feedback without judgment first. There is plenty of time for a response later.
2. Listen.
There is a familiar idea attributed to the Greek philosopher Epictetus that says we have two ears and one mouth to listen twice as much as we speak. Pilon took that advice to heart. He knew he could not genuinely hear the feedback if he was too busy denying it and talking over the person delivering it.
Leaders must listen, understand, and ask clarifying questions if necessary.
3. Take specifics into account.
Negative feedback doesn’t occur in a vacuum. It’s always the result of specific situations, context, and dynamics. Pilon believes in taking a big picture approach to fully understand what led to the feedback before determining what to do with it.
There are two levels in every conversation. Try to understand what is being said on the surface, but also through the relationships and culture under the words. Look at the feedback through the eyes of those who offered it to see what they are really saying and why they are saying it.
4. Understand your options for response.
There are two paths to take in response to negative feedback: the low road or the high road. Pilon will often say “rise above.” This does not mean back down to the feedback if it is incorrect, but rather think about the best ways to use that feedback to meet your objectives and lead in a more powerful way. On the low road, the leader fights back, becomes defensive, and resists change. Taking the high road puts a leader in the right frame of mind to learn, grow, and become a better leader. Pilon intentionally decided to take the high road, knowing that would provide the most opportunity for him to become a better leader.
5. Embrace a growth mindset.
Leaders can easily start to believe they have all the answers once they reach a certain level. They don’t! There is always an opportunity to learn something new.
Pilon knew that the feedback he received provided an excellent opportunity for him to become a better leader. He embraced a growth mindset, understanding that the discomfort he experienced in hearing performance criticisms could fuel long-term leadership growth.
6. Prioritize.
Pilon understood that change is difficult enough without trying to do too much at once. He carefully prioritized the feedback and assessed how to improve his leadership in the areas that were most urgent and important first. He addressed small, simple changes quickly and then worked on larger challenges by taking one or two steps every day toward his ultimate goals.
Sustained change requires time, and focusing on one or two small things every day will produce long-term results. Making huge, radical changes in behavior overnight might be impressive for a while, but it can be hard to stick with such changes for the long-term.
7. Keep it in perspective.
One of the most impressive aspects of Pilon’s response to the critique he received was his perspective. He understood the uncomfortable conversation would not last forever, and he knew that when it was over, he’d have new information to improve his leadership.
In the moment, a difficult performance evaluation can be devastating to a leader’s ego, especially if the feedback is unexpected. But leaders who keep that moment in perspective will be better able to zoom out and take a big picture approach to their development.
8. Application is everything.
Applying the lessons from critical feedback can mean the difference between staying stuck and growing into a better leader. Even feedback that isn’t directly helpful or relevant to performance improvement can still give a leader valuable information about the employee experience and workplace culture that can help create a better work environment for everyone.
Handling Uncomfortable Feedback With Grace
Mike Pilon listened carefully and processed the feedback he received with an open mind. He then applied the lessons he learned to benefit both his own leadership capabilities and the entire organization. I commend him for not being emotional or defensive or for rationalizing his behaviors, which is often the case that I see. Because Mike applied his eight principles of receiving constructive feedback to his challenging 360° session, he is a far better CEO today.
We can learn a lot from Mike by applying his tools when we receive uncomfortable feedback. Receiving negative feedback helped Mike develop greater self-awareness, which would have been difficult to do if he had not managed his emotions. By paying close attention to substantive feedback, making every effort to understand it, and then applying it carefully, he is now able to deliver better business results—and people results!
Self-check:
- Have you ever received negative feedback? Is there one way you could have responded better?
- How can you be more open to receiving constructive feedback without falling into the natural tendency of justifying or rationalizing it?
- Remember, you don’t have to accept all the negative feedback that others give you. Just listen to it, consider it with an open mind, and then apply those tips that really resonate and make sense to you in helping you become a more effective leader.
