As the philosopher Epictetus famously said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” The quote is familiar, but the practice is more challenging. Yet many of the world’s successful leaders, including Indra Nooyi, Mary Barra, and David Abney, credit “listening” as one big reason for their success.
But listening is more than just the physical act of hearing and understanding words. Leaders need to practice active listening—the ability to hear the words, understand their meaning, and fully participate in the conversation.
At its most basic, active listening involves avoiding interrupting the speaker, using verbal and non-verbal cues to indicate participation and interest, and controlling body language. Active listeners are undistracted and exhibit genuine interest in the speaker with appropriate verbal and non-verbal cues.
Here are six ways to become a better active listener:
1. Be Attentive
Make eye contact with the speaker and avoid distractions to the best of your ability. If you find your phone or other screen distracting, turn it off or turn away from it. Avoid folding your arms or using body language that can appear negative. Use appropriate verbal and non-verbal cues to indicate interest, such as nodding and facing the speaker directly. If you need to take notes, make eye contact before and after writing so the speaker knows you are not just doodling!
2. Listen to Understand
We all come into every conversation with our own ideas, frameworks, and messages, and leaving them at the door can be challenging. As much as possible, withhold judgment during a conversation and listen completely before responding. When you do respond, use neutral words. Try to look through the speaker’s lens and use sentences that keep the lines of communication open, such as “I hadn’t thought of it like that” or “That’s an interesting perspective.” Remember that there are two levels to every conversation—the content level and the relationship level—and that people communicate as much or more from the relationship level.
3. Ask Clarifying Questions
Questions keep communication flowing when offered in good faith, and they can help the other person in the conversation to think through their own biases or perspectives. Use questions that start with phrases such as “Does this mean that…” or “Are you saying that…”. If the speaker has an idea you are skeptical about, don’t immediately shut it down; ask, “How exactly would that work?”
4. Reflect Feelings
Be alert to the cues the other person is sending, and reflect what you observe in the speaker’s feelings. “You seem quite passionate about this idea.” “This is a fun challenge for you, isn’t it?” “You seem to be tense about this topic. Does something concern you?” These statements and questions can allow you to connect more with the speaker and also give the speaker an opportunity to clarify.
5. Restate and Summarize
When we restate what we’ve heard and summarize the main ideas, we allow the other person to correct, clarify, or confirm previous statements. To sum up the emotions and conversation, say things such as “I think I hear you saying” or “There seem to be three key ideas.”
6. Encourage
Wherever possible, encourage the speaker with questions and statements that invite the speaker to continue with more information. Convey interest with comments such as “That’s a great story!” or “I can see why you’d want to explore this!” Invite more conversation with questions such as “Can you tell me more?” If you are under time constraints, leave the invitation open to further discussion by saying you want to hear more and setting a time to continue.
Leaders who practice active listening skills can demonstrate these behaviors to others and improve communication across their teams. Active listening is a skill that anyone can learn and improve. When promoted and encouraged, the organization can realize better employee engagement, positive company culture, and improved business outcomes.
The Stewart Leadership LEAD NOW! Model can help your organization’s leaders improve the skills and behaviors that drive business results and people results. To learn more, contact us.
SELF CHECK:
- How would my direct reports rate my active listening skills? How would my boss rate them?
- What is one behavior I could start to improve my active listening skills?
- What is one behavior I could stop to improve my active listening skills?
Kristin.Derwinski
