In a 2018 presentation on the art of giving and receiving compliments, Stanford MBA Candidate Helen Lin shared the story of a violin recital in which she performed the best she had ever performed on stage. After great applause from the audience, she rushed to her mom, expecting more accolades, and received what she considered a lukewarm acknowledgment of adequate performance.
That interaction came flooding back to Lin as an adult when she had an opportunity to teach her nephew how to play catch with a frisbee. Remembering her childhood disappointment, she responded to each of her nephew’s throws with a compliment. She watched his confidence grow and realized her positive words’ powerful impact on him.
Lin’s nephew isn’t alone in his reactions. As Lin points out, researchers in Japan discovered that receiving a compliment has the same impact on the brain as receiving cash, and another study from the University of Hamburg found that receiving compliments drives greater optimism.
However, despite the benefits, giving and receiving compliments can be a particularly tricky human interaction, especially in the workplace. People can struggle to identify the right situations or circumstances where complimenting is appropriate; they might also fear looking inauthentic or inartful in their language.
Receiving compliments can be even more challenging. The receiver might be caught off guard by the compliment and have a fight, flight, or freeze response. Or the receiver might struggle with personal feelings of inadequacy or imposter syndrome that make it tough to graciously receive a compliment. Finally, in a culture that emphasizes the value of humility, receiving a compliment could feel overly proud or boastful.
Given all this discomfort around giving and receiving compliments, why should leaders encourage them in the workplace? Here are six reasons.
5 Reasons to Encourage Healthy Compliments at Work
1. They boost mood—on both sides.
Research shows that givers and receivers of compliments get a mood boost from a compliment exchange. Brains on both sides get a quick dopamine hit that can improve mood for some time. The reason is obvious for receivers—it feels good to be appreciated! For givers, the hit comes from making someone else feel good.
2. They communicate belonging.
Every team member wants to feel part of something. When leaders make a point of complimenting team members, those compliments communicate that team members are liked and valued, which can contribute to employee retention and positive engagement.
3. They serve as informal feedback.
Leaders who give sincere, authentic compliments to team members and colleagues communicate that they pay attention and notice high-quality work. These impromptu moments of praise encourage people actively working on improving a skill or encourage team members when annual reviews are still months away.
4. They improve performance.
In the Japanese study mentioned in Helen Lin’s presentation, researchers found that participants improved their performance on simple tests after receiving compliments. Another study suggested that receiving praise can help us learn skills more efficiently. Imagine how powerful a culture of compliments and praise could be across an entire organization!
5. They build trust.
Thoughtful, well-crafted compliments can improve connection and trust between two people. A high-quality compliment communicates, “I noticed your work, your performance, your effort, and it had an impact on me or the organization.” This level of sharing goes deeper than just a quick “nice haircut” sort of compliment. It shows intention and some level of vulnerability that engenders trust.
How to Give a Good Compliment in the Workplace
In a 2019 article for Harvard Business Review, Christopher Littlefield, TEDx speaker and founder of Beyond Thank You, shared four tips for crafting compliments that make a difference:
1. Make it authentic.
Compliments should never be a way to soften the blow of bad news or negative feedback, nor should they simply be a way to “suck up” to someone valuable to your own goals. Ensure you mean the compliment and aren’t sharing it solely for personal gain.
2. Make it specific.
Just telling someone, “That was amazing,” doesn’t necessarily communicate anything. What was amazing? A presentation, a speech, a closed sale? Be as specific as possible. “Your presentation was detailed and engaging, and I learned a lot” is specific and provides an opening for a conversation about what the listener learned.
3. Recognize the process.
People want to be recognized for the effort they put into their work, not just the results. Share what you think about the process—“You really researched that topic well and shared things I didn’t know” or “I’m so impressed with how much time and effort you spent organizing that event.”
4. Share the impact.
Did you learn something? Did someone’s research help you close a big deal? How did the receiver’s work impact you or your organization?
Leaders can set the example for giving and receiving compliments in a way that improves communication and connection across the organization. When leaders and team members start sharing compliments across all levels and functions, the resulting culture will have far-reaching business results—and, most importantly, people results.
Self-check:
- When was the last time I gave a compliment at work? How was it received?
- Can I think of one person I could compliment today in a specific, authentic way?
- Have I ever received a good compliment at work? How did it make me feel?
