4 Suggestions for Giving Brain-Friendly Feedback
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  2. 4 Suggestions for Giving Brain-Friendly Feedback

Few work situations can trigger the kind of stomach-twisting, sweat-provoking stress as giving or receiving feedback. Even from the leader, manager, or supervisor’s seat, giving feedback can cause anxiety and tension. Whether feedback is positive or negative, it’s still a direct confrontation with someone who is relying on your approval for a continued income, and the expectation is that your feedback will be integrated into performance going forward.

To understand why giving and receiving feedback is so tough, it’s important to understand a little bit about the human brain. When our ancestors first appeared on Earth, their brains had to be wired to detect danger. Whether in the form of natural threats, enemy tribes, or simply unfamiliar situations, most of the primitive world was trying to kill these early humans at every turn. To cope, the human brain engaged its highly efficient limbic system, driven by the amygdala, which functions to detect threats and then remember them for future reference. This is the “lizard brain” you may have heard about—that primitive part of the brain that drives emotion and reacts to threats.

For many people, even the concept of receiving feedback can cause an amygdala hijack. First coined by Daniel Goleman in his 1996 book Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More Than IQ, the term amygdala hijack refers to an immediate, overwhelming emotional response that is out of proportion to the perceived threat. When someone is in the throes of an amygdala hijack, that response overrides the rational brain and prepares to fight, fly, or freeze. In fight, flight, or freeze mode, no one is capable of properly receiving feedback.

Fortunately, there several ways you can set up your conversations to minimize the risk of triggering these responses and maximize the outcomes on the receiving end of feedback.

Here are four suggestions for giving brain-friendly feedback:

1. Learn from the past

Whether you’ve been on the giving or receiving end of an unproductive feedback conversation, you can still learn from it. Look back at previous feedback conversations. What could you have done better to reduce the stress of the conversation? What could your boss have done better? Likewise, consider what has gone right in the past, and think about why. If you can pinpoint ways to reduce stress leading up to feedback conversations, be intentional about employing those tactics.

2. Use a “sympathetic” approach

Under conditions of stress, the sympathetic nervous system activates by releasing adrenaline, driving up heart rates, and increasing sweat production, among other things, in an effort to prepare the body to protect itself from danger. To reduce the risk of triggering this response in the feedback recipient, approach your feedback conversation with a calm and mindful demeanor. Remaining calm and mindful will lower tension and communicate to the other person’s amygdala that you are not a threat.

3. Leave room for pauses

When we see someone starting to react with strong emotion, it can be tempting to keep talking—to “get it all out” or speed up the conversation to get it over with. We might even rush to reassure, and in rushing, increase tension. A better approach when the recipient is showing signs of stress is to simply pause, even if that pause is full of silence. Not only will you help create space for the other person, but you will also be able to use that moment to redirect your own threat response. Taking a moment to recenter will shift the focus of the situation back to the conversation and away from assessing a potential social threat.

4. Take the temperature

If you sense someone entering flight or freeze mode during feedback, it might be helpful to use a pause to take the temperature of the room. Invite the person back into the conversation with open-ended questions, and give plenty of opportunity for response, even if the pause is uncomfortably long. Gently refocusing may help clear the emotion and re-engage the higher brain function that allows rational assessment of your feedback.

While feedback conversations may never be your favorite part of leading people, they don’t have to be the worst part, either. In fact, done properly, they may improve trust and engagement. Taking the time to think through how to reduce the stress of the conversation on both sides can help you improve the process and the outcomes.

A version of this article first appeared on Forbes.com

About the Author

Dr. Peter Stewart is an experienced business psychologist specializing in leadership consulting, coaching, and training. Peter’s unique background combined with a pragmatic, skills-focused application make him ideal to partner with organizations and individuals to bring sustained improvement through talent management and leadership development strategies.